#never apologize for the length of paras

[nottheangel-raphael]

Raphael hummed through the smirk on his lips as he received his confirmation even in Nahim's avoidance of answering the question directly. He knew his charms were working –– they often got him anything and anyone he wanted.

His eyes fluttered just slightly closed at the teasing ghost of a kiss, smiling growing ever wider as he granted the younger councilman this and more. He rather enjoyed the featherlight touches of exploration, Raph sitting back on the couch like a cat content underneath the sun's rays. He reached out, thumb casually brushing over Nahim's chin as he studied those pretty features. "I'm sure you won't," he murmured. Then again perhaps Nahim ought to not set high expectations with a pride demon. "I'm more than happy to have you here as part of this, councilman. I believe you're going to be an excellent addition."

a slow smile spread across nahim’s face at the question offered in response to his own, the gesture entirely genuine as he pretended to ponder just how effective raphael’s inherent allure really was. “i couldn’t possibly tell you,” he replied simply, shrugging. “that would ruin the fun of it all, wouldn’t it?” on the few occasions he’d been permitted to lurk freely when raphael and marcellino had conducted business back in valletta, nahim had always taken a great interest in italy’s councilman, of all he represented, all he’d achieved, the way he carried himself; the ghoul had been a continuous marvel to him. naturally, marcellino’s most treasured fledglings had been instructed to keep a considerable distance from the talks themselves, the four of them peering over the staircase railings above as the councilmen wandered the expanse of the palazzo in deep discussion. never in all his centuries had nahim fully expected to find himself here, all curled up beside one of the many he’d fawned over from afar.

nahim’s smile remained in place as he listened, a flash of intrigue brightening his gaze as raphael leaned closer. nahim wasn’t naive enough to take such a declaration at face value – he was far too inherently suspicious to do so – but that did little to change the fact that it was nice to hear. it had been some time since such words had been uttered in his direction. shifting slightly to straddle the ghoul, nahim retracted his claws to add a hint of tenderness as he cupped raphael’s jaw to bridge the gap between them. the kiss was brief, deliberately chaste and as nahim sat back, his expression had returned to its natural state of detached indifference, though something of a fondness remained in his eyes as he held raphael’s gaze. “i don’t intend to give you a reason to,” he traced his fingertips lightly down the ghoul’s neck, splaying them out if to grip at his throat but abstaining at the last minute, his gaze falling to study the sight. “i won’t disappoint you, raphael. i’m eternally grateful for the lengths you’ve gone for me. i’m yours in our shared endeavour for as long as you require my presence and promise.”

[chaos0pikachu]

Hi chaos,

I don't know if you've heard of the Ohm-Nanon fans going to Nanon's concert wearing Ohm masks but it happened? (I don't know how to end that sentence.) (Sorry, English isn't my first language.)

You have written about parasocial relationships so I wanted to ask why are people still involved in Ohm-Nanon? Bad Buddy ended so long ago and they are still doing all this. What makes Ohm-Nanon so special? We haven't see such huge bad behaviour from other pair brands.

Please never ever apologize for how you sound in English which is a dumb broken language anyway lol fr you're English is great

anyways um, what in the fucking purge?? lmao sorry the masks thing is just taking me out I'm imagining it and the image in my head is giving kdrama to the max with the discord music and everything lmaoooo

I had not heard of that b/c I don't follow actors like that at all this is very much Brand New Information.gif for me whew wow

Soft disclaimer here I am not an expert behavioral science or anything related so like, anything I say in regards to this is based only on what I've read, can link to from experts in the field, and speculation.

I don't think OhmNanon are necessarily "special" tbh like this behavior is extreme but I wouldn't call it "new".

In western fandom you had or still have fans behaving like this we just call them "tinhats".

Like, take Larries for instance, Louis just spoke about it in an interview that nothing he can say will deter the conspiracies theorists so he's kinda stuck. This article from VOX is old (2016) but it features a pretty clear cut timeline of the theories, and obsession tinhats have with Larry. Even before Larry there was J2 (Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki from Supernatural):

I want to note that One Direction stopped being an active band in 2016, almost 8 years ago. And neither Harry nor Louis have been spotted like, hanging out~~ in public for almost that entire time. Meanwhile Jared and Jensen have been been married to their wives since 2010, almost 15 years.

To play fair, Caitríona Mary Balfe (best known for Outlander) is also at the root of a tinhat conspiracy with her costar Sam Heughan. Caitriona has been married since 2019.

Western fandom likes to pretend this environment of fan entitlement, and obsessing over costars relationships is an East Asian entertainment only thing. I thoroughly disagree, and I'm sure the people involved in these various tinhat conspiracies, many who have been thoroughly and ruthlessly harassed along with their spouses, family, friends, and anyone else caught in the crossfire would also disagree.

For me the only arguable difference between like MewGulf and Larry is MewGulf played up skinship as a means of capital and for work, while Louis and Harry were just two dudes in a band.

[I even watched the old school MewGulf videos of them during Peak Fanservice Era and I gotta say it's all so obviously hilarious fake and played up I would have never taken them seriously as a true blue couple. They reminded me more of Adam Lambert making out with his bassist during his FYE tour (Tommy, who from what I remember is straight but idk 100%) for the fun and rock n roll of it all.]

I'm getting off track, I don't think OhmNanon are "special" by-the-by because I've seen this entitled and obsessive behavior with other tinhat ships. The length of time doesn't really matter, what matters is sunk cost fallacy:

"the phenomenon whereby a person is reluctant to abandon a strategy or course of action because they have invested heavily in it, even when it is clear that abandonment would be more beneficial."

Fans have invested time, love, and literal money into Ohm and Nanon, therefore giving them up - and thus giving up the "community" they've build with other Ohm and Nanon fans - is unthinkable and painful.

Combine that with general fan entitlement towards public figures, the para-sociality of believe you, individually, know what's "best" for this person - aka this STRANGER - and there's a belief that you can change or force an outcome that suits your needs and wants.

There's a lot of dehumanization involved in fan entitlement, ppl stop viewing public figures - especially actors and musicians - as products rather than people. And with a product if you leave a bad review, and enough bad reviews the company will fix and change the product.

But people aren't products, and you can't force them to do what you want or be who you want them to be just because it upsets YOU individually.

So at the end of the day, what's gonna happen with Ohm and Nanon? Well, they'll probably just keeping doing what they do. Filming their individual shows, maybe one of them will do another BL - I think Ohm already has one in the works? - and try to move on with their lives. They're coworkers and from what I've seen seem fine being coworkers. I'm not interested in speculating what their relationship is, or was, publicly, they've said they're fine with each other so I'm very es lo que es about it.

For fans, well they're probably slowly taper off eventually with only a core group of "true believers" or whatever like some MewGulf, BrightWin and others have. As fans I think the only thing we can do is discourage the behavior, and be empathetic towards the people being harassed.

Now I'm gonna leave you with my favorite debunk of a tinhat post:

[tsunderelover07]

Mitsuki Kiryu

SFW - its so fluffy I think I'm gonna die!!!

Note: @para-dots - you are the bomb.com

It all happened at the arcade. There was a crowd forming around the driving seats game. There were two people going toe to toe, but whoever the driver on the right was, had a clear edge. They won, and it was a girl. She wasn't his type, he liked the cute girls, but they still became fast friends. She was nerdy, and didn't bother to dress to impress. She opted for tees, often with pugs on them, and her chaotic hair in a haphazard bun. Still, she was really nice and they enjoyed talking. He found she was friends with quite a few of the Bofurin guys. He was starting to grow fond of her.

Though, she was treated like one of the guys, and she treated all he guys the same. All as platonic friendships. She brushed aside all of his flirtations, dismissed his compliments and that's when he realized he was the only guy she wasn't affectionate with. She never threw her arm around his neck to out into a head lock like she would with Tsuge, or ruffle his hair like she would with Nirei. It was really starting to make him jealous. She was the first girl to be immune to any and all he charm he had laid on her. He was the only one he could see that treated her like a girl instead of one of the guys.

Kiryu was plenty stubborn and wasn't giving up just yet. He still had a shot. He just needed to Crank things up a notch and really play into the romance. He needed to treat her like the lady she was. The thought of the chase was enough to make his mouth water.

He may have done some research on some heart throbbing romantic gestures to make happen. He tried to help her reach something only for her to grab a stool and do it herself. He tried to have her fall into his arms, but she caught herself. They even had a geniune moment where she slipped and landed on top of him. She just hopped off of him and apologized. Nothing was working and he was frustrated at being friend zoned. And she had begun to avoid him recently.

It was when her brother answered the door and insisted they needed to talk that he was dead meat.

"You're gonna have to confess, kiss her, or something. " he stated and this was not the conversation he pictured he'd be having. He was actually trying to help him?

"I haven't even gotten remotely out of the friend zone..." he moaned, wondering why he was admitting any of this to her brother.

He pulled out his phone and dropped a picture of a gorgeous model down on the table. "Thats why your stuck in the friendzone."

"This is-" Her brother nodded and he couldn't believe it. She was stunning dressed up. Why the hell didn't she dress like this more often.

"There's no way in hell shed ever tell anyone, especially you, any of this. She's a former model. And given how pretty she is all dolled up, it's no surprise she'd be flocked with guys hitting on her. However, soon as she dressed comfy in what she always wears, she kept being told by guys that she needed to dress up. And look prettier. They didn't give two shits about her as a person. And to make matters worse, she's sporty so she ends up being friend zoned by every guy so she's given a double edged sword. Either the guy will only like her because of her pretty face, or she'll be friend zoned."

It all made sense once he mentioned it.

"And i know you're not like that, so don't worry. We wouldn't be here if I did."

"Then...why are we?"

"Because she's my annoying sister and I want her to stop complaining to me." He said and leveled him with a look. "And i know that you know no one will find your body if you hurt that same annoying little sister of mine."

"Eek! Yes sir!"

"Good. Now, she into you. Bad. But she's keeping you at arms length because she thinks your efforts are you just messing with her. She doesn't think you're serious."

Kiryu groaned as it couldn't be further from the truth.

"You gotta take the gloves off and fight dirty." He looked disgusted as he continued to speak. "Kiss her, confess, pin her down, get sappy and shit...do whatever it takes. She'll probably freak out and try to run away. She's never had a boyfriend either. Good luck with that one. "

Kiryu had a lot to plan. It started off by him sort of bribing her to come over to play the new game she'd been dying to get her hands on.

Even though he knew the answer, he still asked her out front why she'd been avoiding him after they settled on the floor to play the game. She tried to brush it off, but he was playing dirty. He turned off the television and she tried to get run away already, but he wasn't having it. He had her lying on her back with his arms caging her in.

She looked away, but answered him honestly on why he was avoiding her.

"You...make me nervous. You keep messing with me-"

"Its called flirting pretty girl." Her head snapped to look up at him. She tried to get out from under him. He let her have a little room as she sat up and backed right into his bed, and he caged her in again but got much closer this time. "How can I not? I'm in love with you."

Red with embarrassment she hid her face, and when she refused to remove them, he kissed them. She removed her hands in shock. One of his hands gently cupped her cheek, thumb caressing her cheek. "Do you feel the same way?"

She couldn't look away, and gave a slow nod and if it weren't dead silent in his room, he would've missed the quiet yes under her breath. He put his forehead to hers, smiling he was so happy. He pulled away, happy with just that, when he got the surprise of a lifetime. She grabbed his collar and pulled him into a kiss. He melted into her kiss unable to suppress the kiss on his face.

She was the only girl for him. And he created a little monster in the process since all of her affections were now directed solely on him. He never felt so wrapped up in love. And he refused to share.

[centuricnis]

                         𝕔𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕚𝕔𝕟𝕚𝕤

    independent, highly selective, low energy, dual rp blog. featuring! 𝕝𝕖𝕧𝕚 𝕒𝕔𝕜𝕖��𝕞𝕒𝕟 & 𝕖𝕣𝕖𝕟 𝕛𝕒𝕖𝕘𝕖𝕣 nsfw themes present. mun is 21+.

                                est 08/2024                                                           𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕕 𝕓𝕪 𝕥𝕚𝕗𝕗! blogroll: @aeviare 𝔭𝔩𝔢𝔞𝔰𝔢 𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔡 𝔯𝔲𝔩𝔢𝔰 𝔟𝔢𝔣𝔬𝔯𝔢 𝔦𝔫𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔞𝔠𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤!

1. Basics

Hi! My name is Tiff! 25+! My pronouns are she/they. I’ve been rping on Tumblr since 2012! I have a full time job && a small business, so my activity may be spotty at best. I come and go as I please because roleplaying to me is only a hobby! This blog will probably be super low energy and low activity, as I also have my main multimuse which is where I'll probably be if I'm not here. Minors will be blocked. Any personal blogs without rp sideblogs will be blocked.

If I follow you and you do not follow me back within a week, I will unfollow for my own comfort. This doesn't mean that if you follow me in the future that I won't refollow. I absolutely will! I just never want to overstep anyone's mutuals boundaries. (:

PSA

The source material has plenty of heavy adult themes. These are likely to show up whilst writing, but I will do my best not to write anything especially explicit. Please prioritize your mental health when it comes to these themes, as I assume you're at least familiar with those that are present within the manga/anime.

If you have problems with AoT/SnK's themes and/or it's creator please take it somewhere else. I love the anime as it is, standalone. That does not mean I believe in things present in media or things believed by the creator.

If that bothers you, this isn't the blog for you. Any harassment will be met with the block button (:

small extra psa: i'm not that comfortable writing with blogs that only rp with real people face claims. i personally prefer animated/cartoon/3d style face claims. this is just a personal preference!

2. Writing Specifics!

This blog will focus more on the SnK fandom and rpc, but I'm very open to crossovers. My writing lengths vary from short, to paras, to sometimes novellas. There's never a requirement to match my length. Any icons used will be 100x100 and most likely made by me. I've only watched the anime, and am currently reading the manga, so if there are any nuances missed because of that, I apologize in advance (: Because Tumblr hates its userbase, I'll be writing strictly with Beta Editor and xKit Rewritten's Trim Reblogs.

3. Etiquette!

Basic etiquette is expected for writing with me. Meaning, please don't godmod! I will never write your muse for you, I'd appreciate the same respect.

As always mun =/= muse. Levi has murdered people. Please do not romanticize things that even he has felt guilt for. If you know the ending of AoT, you know what Eren did. If you have issues with my muses, this is not the blog for you.

As for drama or callouts, please don't drag me into things that have nothing to do with me. Do not police me in who I can or cannot speak to. I'm an adult, I can make my own decisions. If there's an issue with a person and you're concerned for my wellbeing, please address it with me in DMs.

4. Shipping!

I am a very proud multi ship whore. All ships are separate AUs unless otherwise plotted.

For Levi, I view him more as demisexual and even demiromantic. This just means it'll take some time for him to be open to a relationship. That being said, my bias comfort Levi ship is (S4 Eren) Ereri/Riren. I am open to shipping him with Erwin or Hange, but it would take plotting and speaking with my rp partner ooc.

For Eren, I'm much more open to other ships. I obviously still ship Ereri, but I'm also open to shipping him with Armin, Jean, Reiner, & Mikasa. Although, I do lean more with Mikasa and Eren being siblings, I do see the potential for their romantic ship.

NSFW on this blog will be canon typical violence, gore, and of a sexual nature. If you do not want to view those things, please blacklist "suggestive cw" and "nsfw cw".

[kresnikxkaden]

Kaden's lips pulled into a frown and his magic faded away with his section completed like nothing ever happened. And nothing good ever happened when Raiden's name was mentioned. He knew firsthand how that massive toddler of a tribrid worked and the fact that he targeted Arnon in the castle made him sick for the briefest of seconds until Rhys reassured him that the halfling still remained unbroken. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth and he shook his head wondering if Arnon ever had a breaking point; for the kid's sake he hoped not. "That talkative mouth of his sure loves windin' his sorry ass in trouble, don't it?" he chuckled fondly. He really ought not to encourage that, even from afar like this. After all, running his mouth was how Arnon essentially wound up in Tiernan's possession.

While Rhys took one side of the street, Kaden crossed over to the other. He stood in the middle of the street since this side road was closed from the destruction causing blockage and his violet energy reappeared to drag debris and rubble out of the way and return another building to its former glory. "That's how the council operates," he said drily. "They're in charge and love flauntin' it. Logic, facts, and reason don't resonate well with their version of reality." It sounded like he spoke from experience and maybe it was. Living with Lucien Gaudet proved a perfect subject for that claim. He laughed, glancing back at Rhys again. "I reckon I ain't ever had a break since before I had kids," he admitted. "Now what about you? When's the last time you had one?"

Rhys was more than happy to listen as Kaden recounted the intricate details of his bond with the halfling. Outside of his trial against Tiernan, Rhys hadn’t known Arnon particularly well and the few times he’d been called upon to fix the attempted damages made to the claimed slave’s collar had been… insightful, if he was going to be polite about it. It was hardly surprising to see that someone as inherently impulsive as the boy was as drawn as he was to Kaden; the kresnik practically radiated serenity in his own special way – it was undoubtedly the perfect balm to quell such a rebellious fire. His attention flickered between Kaden and the debris of his own section intermittently, the pale golden glow of his restoration magic shimmering around him as he flicked a wrist to neatly reconstruct the foundations laid bare before him. The affection in Kaden’s voice widened Rhys’ smile almost immediately. It was rare to stumble across such genuine displays of emotion within the confines of the castle; to finally be around real sentimentality and adoration again was a breath of fresh air that Rhys hadn’t realised he’d needed. 

“Sounds like you came into his life at the right time. Kids like that usually just need a nudge in the right direction. I doubt there’s anyone better suited for that than you, even if it’s as exhausting as it sounds,” taking a small step back, Rhys cocked his head to one side as he narrowed his eyes in focus as the finishing touches were applied to restore the building back to its former glory, not a single element out of place. “And you got a crappy Father’s Day card too?” A low whistle left the witch as he glanced towards Kaden, his brow raising with a laugh shortly after. “That’s as good as an official adoption in my eyes.” Wandering a little further down to size up the next stage of rebuilding, Rhys turned to face Kaden as his concerns were voiced and did his best to school his expression to one of reassurance. “He seemed to be doing all right, all things considered. He’d had a nasty run-in with Raiden a week or so before when I saw him last, but that didn’t seem to dull his… sparkle. He was talkative. Really talkative. Didn’t seem to be suffering in any way, didn’t have any major injuries that I could pick up on. Even if he’s trapped in Halloran’s company, he could be a lot worse off. Seems like he’s figured out how to play the game.”

Turning his attention back to the remnants of the devastation, Rhys raised both hands to shift the majority of the rubble to one side, keeping a watchful eye over it as it was gently lifted into the air and placed as gently as possible to one side so that he could get a better look at exactly what he’d be working with. It also gave him a chance to reinforce his mental shielding a little more, already wary of his thought process before the words had left him. “I feel for him. I mean, it’s a lose/lose situation no matter how we look at it. I didn’t agree with his sentencing – from what I could gather, there was nothing concrete for them to go off of. Emerson had proof of Arnon’s whereabouts, right?” He knew better than to address the Council by name in a discussion like this but that didn’t stop his expression from darkening for a moment, a gentle shaking of his head translating his disapproval effortlessly. “Still, as I said, the kid’s not suffering. Hopefully that’s one less thing for you to worry about amidst all of…” Rhys gestured loosely towards the mess before them both. “…all this. When’s the last time you got a break? A real one, I mean? Seems to me that you’re long overdue one.”

[circus-and-shenanigans]

✵Info!✵

✧About the mun:✧

-Hello! You can call me Eli (she/her), nice to meet you!

-I'm 26+ so I would appreciate if people wanting to rp were 18+ as well.

-English is not my first language, so please bear with me if something sounds wrong/weird. My time zone is GMT+2.

-Lately I've been having some time between hands, so I might reply more than once a day.

-Feel free to message me for plot ideas or just general chatting, I don't bite and I enjoy talking about characters and the series!

-I suck at making things look pretty and aesthetic in posts, so I hope that isn't a deal breaker :')

-I'm mostly on my phone answering things* and It's been around 10 years now since I last used Tumblr, so when it comes to cropping posts--- I'm SO sorry if they take up too much space anywhere, I'll try to figure it out in time!

-* regarding that bit about my phone, I also apologize in advance if some badly written words worm their way into my replies-- I definitely should proofread more.

✧About the writing/rp:✧

-Oc, multi-muse, au, multiverse and doubles friendly.

-Multiship account! So yes, shipping with my characters is ok!

-I prefer 3rd person, literate, multi-para replies, the quantity won't bother me as long as I have something nice to reply to. You aren't obligated to match the length of my replies, don't worry!

-Heavy topics might get mentioned here and there through my writing/character, so if that's something you find uncomfortable and you don't like, let me know in advance. Said heavy topics are mentioned in the oc's page. I'll also make sure to tag them appropriately.

-I feel like any and all kinds of scenarios are pretty much welcomed, meaning nsfw and sexual topics are on the table as well as others, like gore and violence. I'm ok with practically anything being done to my character, so don't worry about being too much.

-Canons I play are Buggy and Penguin, this is the page dedicated for them where I'll add small headcanons from time to time.

-I'm up to create cerses for my muses so we can rp or come up with more interesting plots!

-Muse doesn't equal mun, even tho it's obvious, I just wanted to get it writen down, just in case.

-The connections to canon characters can be revised for the sake of your comfort and the rp if you aren't ok with my oc previously knowing them/having a past with them. Same can be said about my canons, I'll assume certain connections are pre-stablished by the series' plot. Either way, everything can be worked around!

-I suck at tagging reblogged stuff, so if you are searching for specifics it'll get a bit messy--

-I'm not good at fight rps, so I might stay away from those.

-There's never a rush to reply to my stuff in the same way I expect to not be rushed to reply things, this is something for fun, not some sort of job!

[cherpbooboo]

Oh god, that other anon might have been connected to me. I usually try to tag 2-3 and 4+, but I used to just tag 2-3 because that's where I like to average after the starter. But I feel like starters that are more "open book" are impossible to control the length of. Like, I try to keep it short with a "Where are we right now" but then I inevitably go into backstory and internal monologue, then of course I have to tie it back to the present and oh shit we're approaching the 2k mark.

That being said, I honestly discourage people from matching length unless they want to do backstory/thought process stuff as well. I prefer if people match number/weight of actions rather than para count. Nothing's worse than sending 3 paragraphs of internal monologue and one paragraph of action only to get 4 paragraphs of action back where they're forced to godmod my character's responses (or, usually, lack of response) to get enough actions to match length. Because then I end up writing longer to react to their character's actions and progress the rp, and then they go further to match length again. And the cycle continues until one of us breaks.

But actually, I really don't mind short responses that are just actions, as long as they describe their character's tone and body language. It kind of makes the whole thing a mystery of what their character's intentions are and what their next move will be.

(also oops, don't mind me just proving my point by accidentally writing a long ass ask)

Never apologize for talking about your passion ♥️

[nnugatoryextravagance]

wait are you pro para? I was scared of reblogging pro para stuff because I thought you were gonna block me in particular 😭 Idk if Ive ever seen you rb pro para stuff so I just assumed

Ok this got longer than I meant it to so uhhh read more tab blast GO

My stance will forever be as long as you aren't commiting federal crimes, enabling someone committing those crimes, or directly hurting anybody (human or animal) I generally cannot be assed what you get up to on your free time unless you get me unwillingly involved

(I hope to god its obvious what I mean by "committing federal crimes" in this context here by the way, indulgences of the underaged variety to be clear, the number one thing I will never tolerate under any circumstances and I refuse to waver on this)

I don't try to actively indulge in "pro para" content however or want to call myself that in those terms or whatever because 1. I admit I'm still relatively unfamiliar with the term and have extreme trust issues and I've been online long enough to know exactly how not so great people can potentially use that term in horrible ways and I'm not looking to risk putting myself in danger again (while I'm still in the middle of recovery no less) (I'm cripplingly paranoid) 2. I still refuse to get myself involved in potential discourse if I can help it (I'm cripplingly paranoid) and 3. especially because im honest to god so fucking tired of delegating my opinions to this-and-that buzzwords that can mean anything depending on whos looking at me because- not trying to make you or anyone else feel bad, genuinely, because I know why ya do it -but assumptions about me are the bane of my existence and have done nothing but start shit for me and I am exhausted, I much prefer being asked directly my opinions on things instead, I'm not the type to intentionally hide these things (unless its for my safety obviously)

Anyway I feel like I aged 25 years making this post I'm going to go take my pain meds and go to bed, apologies for the fuckin essay length post I have a lot of thoughts about things and stuff

if anyone wants me to clarify anything or vice versa when I'm more awake and in better charge of my mental faculties feel free to go to my inbox I guess, but for now I need sleep its midnight as im posting this lmao.

[wdhwanji]

// intro

hello, everyone! it's your mun sen (they/them) here with the lovable little wolf man, hwanji (he/him)! i have actually never written an intro post before—i'm still very new to rping on tumblr, although I've been roleplaying on other sites for a very long time—so please bear with me if this is a bit...bumpy. ^^' his page is pretty much done for the time being, although i'm probably going to be constantly tweaking the bio/connections pages for at least a week.

if you ever want to contact me, feel free to either shoot me a dm here on tumblr or use discord (just ask)! those are really my best platforms, but if you'd like to use something else just let me know and we can set something up! i'm pretty flexible :3 i'm in gmt -6 so if i don't answer, i'm probably asleep. (please don't ever feel intimidated to contact me, i'm horrible with reaching out first so i always appreciate it ^^' and i'm likely a lot more intimidated by you /lh)

mobile navigation:

intro (you're here!) bio connections paras [coming soon] more links coming soon!

summarized bio and history (read the full length edition here [desktop] / here [mobile] !):

past

hwanji is initially from seoul—he lived there for most of his early life, until he was 17.

he was a mischievous little kid, always getting into trouble and hanging out around the wrong people.

eventually, that came back to bite him in the butt as he ended up in some serious debt. after many weeks of him trying to avoid paying up, one of the members turned him, leaving him in an alleyway.

after that, hwanji fled to jeju, seeking protection and safety from the gang members that were still very much searching for him.

current

he's much more reserved than he was when he was younger, very socially awkward (this man cannot get a joke, and he tells even worse ones. but he likes to tell them. unfortunately. apologies in advance.) and quiet.

he's not very friendly to kang werewolves—he's very old-fashioned, and is irritated by the fact that others don't seem to want to uphold the peace treaties jeju was built on.

his fight or flight instinct is basically broken—he always chooses flee. always. even if he knows he could win the fight. doesn't matter. he's going to run.

he avoids conflict, period. this is probably his biggest, most important trait: this man will do almost anything to get away from a tense situation. poor excuses, just flat out running (ya might have to catch him a few times), etc., etc.

connections / plots:

don't have a lot of plot ideas off the top of my head, but i do have a list of connections to build up which you can view here [desktop] / here [mobile] ! as i figure out more plot ideas (and backread all the blogs <.<) i'll update this post, or maybe create a separate page, even. i'm down to write almost anything, but i don't feel comfortable rping nsfw content. other than that, the doors are wide open, baby, so throw your ideas straight on in! *rubbing palms mischievously*

[alexxkresnik]

Welcome to the blog!! The name is Alex, 30 yo, and any pronouns are acceptable! I made this blog specifically for my FFXVI OC by the same name. Minors DNI.

Info blurb for him in FFXVI can be found here

Info blurb for him in the Pokémon Universe is here

Memes can be found here

Now, onto the rules (I'm sorry)!

1. Communication is key! If you don't like something happening in the verse (or you don't agree with something), please let me know! I don't mind talking things out and fixing things here and there if need be (plus, we don't all like the same things).

2. Multishipping is perfectly fine with me, especially when it comes to my OC's! He's a little guy full of love (He's also happy with friends and found family as well). There will be exceptions (he's not going to love everybody, after all), but always feel free to ask!

3. I tend to write a lot (multi-para) but please don't feel like you have to match my length! I can make a mountain out of a molehill, after all. If the reply is going to be extra-long, I'll more than likely put it under a read more for others scrolling satisfaction.

4. I'm fine writing with existing characters or OCs! Don't feel shy! I can also easily throw him into any universe (he's not a new OC for me) so you don't have to be a FFXVI (or FF in general) blog to interact with me! As long as I know what I'm throwing him into, I'll be fine. I'll update his verses as they're created.

5. Please don't rush replies! Life outside of tumblr can be hectic sometimes (everyone has lives outside of the internet) so please be respectful! I will never rush replies in return. I would rather you take weeks to months to put out something you're satisfied and happy with than you rushing a reply and hating it. Mental health is key!!

6. I will post ooc, but I'll tag appropriately. I will also try to tag everything else appropriately (please feel free to tell me if I don't. I am, unfortunately, only human).

7. Alex is my blank slate. He's the first OC I ever created (back when I was a young teen) and he's followed me into every game/fandom I've ever enjoyed (either as the player character or a random NPC). If you have an rp idea in mind and need me to change his backstory a little, I don't mind! He can be anything I need him to be.

8. Any ask I get (with an rp meme/prompt) is left open-ended! This way, if you enjoy the direction I take the meme/prompt, you can continue it in a thread with me. (If you answer an ask I send, I'll ask if you want to continue before turning it into a thread, though, unless stated otherwise)

9. Have fun!

PSA! Occasionally you'll see me rping Wade (FFXVI) with Valiisthea. He is not open for everyone. You can message me, but 9 times out of 10 I will say no. I'm very self-conscious about my portrayal of him so I'm going to be extremely picky. I apologize in advance!

[findyourrp]

🏰🦇 21+ they/them searching for 18+ rp partners.  This ad may be a shot in the dark, but im searching for a Castlevania based roleplay. 🖤 Looking to have the role of either: Trevor Belmont, or Alucard (Adrian) Tepes fulfilled with my female oc!

- Please be 18+ as the roleplay may contain mature content, smut/spicy romance, etc.  This will be discussed further once we begin plotting privately.  All characters involved in the roleplay MUST be of adult age, no under-age or minors involved.

- This will NOT be a double-roleplay.  What this means is: I will not be offering to play a character for you/your oc.  The reason being is not only are my spots limited for long term roleplays, but I also do not like viewing this as a ‘bargaining system’.  As in, “I’ll do this for you, if you do this for me”.  If that’s an absolute dealbreaker, I apologize.

- My overall writing style is literate, with my reply lengths being anywhere from a paragraph to multi-para.  I’m very flexible, as some parts of a roleplay may become slow or stagnant.  I will never, ever write one-liners, script writing, or first person POV.  I would like a partner who can match the same area of writing as me.  No need to match lengths for every single reply, but please provide at least enough to go off of, not a single line of text, or a simple: “Hi, oc-name”.

- When it comes to rates and wait times on replies, it can vary on my end.  I am a full-time worker, and also need to balance life, mental health, etc.  Some days I can be replying very rapidly, while others, there may be delays.  I provide lots of notices if anything is going on IRL, if I need to take a break/hiatus, etc.  If you’re no longer enjoying the rp, than PLEASE do not hesitate to say something, there are no hard feelings.  If you decide to ghost, that’s entirely on you.

- We’re here to have fun!  I’m very friendly and open, love to make aesthetic boards, playlists, headcanons, etc.  Roleplays will be taken place on Discord.  A server can be provided so everything is organized, as well as tupper/bots for the characters used.

If you read this far, thank you so much!  Please react to this post, and I’ll be sure to reach you promptly.

Thank you all again, stay safe out there.  Cheers 🖤✨️

like & asker will find you!

[creativeroleplay-ads]

🕸🕷 Hellooo, lovely people of Tumblr! 23 yr-old nonbinary rper here, I’m posting my ad here for anyone that is interested in writing a specific character for my current roleplay cravings, and unending brainrot. I’m looking for Miguel O’Hara from Spiderman: Across The Spiderverse paired with my OC. If you’re interested, keep on reading, and please read carefully!

- Please be 18+ as the roleplay may contain mature content, smut/spicy romance, etc. This will be discussed further once we begin plotting privately. All characters involved in the roleplay MUST be of adult age, no under-age or minors involved.

- This will NOT be a double-roleplay. What this means is: I will not be offering to play a character for you/your oc. The reason being is not only are my spots limited for long term roleplays, but I also do not like viewing this as a ‘bargaining system’. As in, “I’ll do this for you, if you do this for me”. If that’s an absolute dealbreaker, I apologize.

- My overall writing style is literate, with my reply lengths being anywhere from a paragraph to multi-para. I’m very flexible, as some parts of a roleplay may become slow or stagnant. I will never, ever write one-liners, script writing, or first person POV. I would like a partner who can match the same area of writing as me. No need to match lengths for every single reply, but please provide at least enough to go off of, not a single line of text, or a simple: “Hi, oc-name”.

- When it comes to rates and wait times on replies, it can vary on my end. I am a full-time worker, and also need to balance life, mental health, etc. Some days I can be replying very rapidly, while others, there may be delays. I provide lots of notices if anything is going on IRL, if I need to take a break/hiatus, etc. If you’re no longer enjoying the rp, than PLEASE do not hesitate to say something, there are no hard feelings. If you decide to ghost, that’s entirely on you.

- We’re here to have fun! I’m very friendly and open, love to make aesthetic boards, playlists, headcanons, etc. Roleplays will be taken place on Discord. A server can be provided so everything is organized, as well as tupper/bots for the characters used.

If you read this far, thank you so much! Please react to this post, and I’ll be sure to reach you promptly.

Thank you all again, happy pride month, stay safe out there! 🏳️‍🌈

.

[findroleplay]

🏰🦇 21+ they/them searching for 18+ rp partners.  This ad may be a shot in the dark, but im searching for a Castlevania based roleplay. 🖤 Looking to have the role of either: Trevor Belmont, or Alucard (Adrian) Tepes fulfilled with my female oc!

- Please be 18+ as the roleplay may contain mature content, smut/spicy romance, etc.  This will be discussed further once we begin plotting privately.  All characters involved in the roleplay MUST be of adult age, no under-age or minors involved.

- This will NOT be a double-roleplay.  What this means is: I will not be offering to play a character for you/your oc.  The reason being is not only are my spots limited for long term roleplays, but I also do not like viewing this as a ‘bargaining system’.  As in, “I’ll do this for you, if you do this for me”.  If that’s an absolute dealbreaker, I apologize.

- My overall writing style is literate, with my reply lengths being anywhere from a paragraph to multi-para.  I’m very flexible, as some parts of a roleplay may become slow or stagnant.  I will never, ever write one-liners, script writing, or first person POV.  I would like a partner who can match the same area of writing as me.  No need to match lengths for every single reply, but please provide at least enough to go off of, not a single line of text, or a simple: “Hi, oc-name”.

- When it comes to rates and wait times on replies, it can vary on my end.  I am a full-time worker, and also need to balance life, mental health, etc.  Some days I can be replying very rapidly, while others, there may be delays.  I provide lots of notices if anything is going on IRL, if I need to take a break/hiatus, etc.  If you’re no longer enjoying the rp, than PLEASE do not hesitate to say something, there are no hard feelings.  If you decide to ghost, that’s entirely on you.

- We’re here to have fun!  I’m very friendly and open, love to make aesthetic boards, playlists, headcanons, etc.  Roleplays will be taken place on Discord.  A server can be provided so everything is organized, as well as tupper/bots for the characters used.

If you read this far, thank you so much!  Please react to this post, and I’ll be sure to reach you promptly.

Thank you all again, stay safe out there.  Cheers 🖤✨️

-

[roleplayfinder]

🕸🕷 Hellooo, lovely people of Tumblr! 23 yr-old nonbinary rper here, I’m posting my ad here for anyone that is interested in writing a specific character for my current roleplay cravings, and unending brainrot. I’m looking for Miguel O’Hara from Spiderman: Across The Spiderverse paired with my OC. If you’re interested, keep on reading, and please read carefully!

(I'm not sure if this previously got swept away by other ads, so this can be deleted if it's a recent resend 🖤)

- Please be 18+ as the roleplay may contain mature content, smut/spicy romance, etc. This will be discussed further once we begin plotting privately. All characters involved in the roleplay MUST be of adult age, no under-age or minors involved.

- This will NOT be a double-roleplay. What this means is: I will not be offering to play a character for you/your oc. The reason being is not only are my spots limited for long term roleplays, but I also do not like viewing this as a ‘bargaining system’. As in, “I’ll do this for you, if you do this for me”. If that’s an absolute dealbreaker, I apologize.

- My overall writing style is literate, with my reply lengths being anywhere from a paragraph to multi-para. I’m very flexible, as some parts of a roleplay may become slow or stagnant. I will never, ever write one-liners, script writing, or first person POV. I would like a partner who can match the same area of writing as me. No need to match lengths for every single reply, but please provide at least enough to go off of, not a single line of text, or a simple: “Hi, oc-name”.

- When it comes to rates and wait times on replies, it can vary on my end. I am a full-time worker, and also need to balance life, mental health, etc. Some days I can be replying very rapidly, while others, there may be delays. I provide lots of notices if anything is going on IRL, if I need to take a break/hiatus, etc. If you’re no longer enjoying the rp, than PLEASE do not hesitate to say something, there are no hard feelings. If you decide to ghost, that’s entirely on you.

- We’re here to have fun! I’m very friendly and open, love to make aesthetic boards, playlists, headcanons, etc. Roleplays will be taken place on Discord. A server can be provided so everything is organized, as well as tupper/bots for the characters used.

If you read this far, thank you so much! Please react to this post, and I’ll be sure to reach you promptly.

Thank you all again, happy pride month, stay safe out there! 🏳️‍🌈

.

[msmelissalin]

SELF PARA: The  Protégé LOCATION: BENJAMIN'S SECOND APARTMENT.  TIMESTAMP: 24.04.2022

About: This follows a conversation between Melissa and her protégé, Benjamin Vox (NPC). - apologies as this got very long. 

The week had been long. Almost never-ending, when she'd finally walked out of the main headquarters a little after seven pm. The evening skies were staying lighter now that the summer only waited around the corner, ready to douse the population in a typical British summer of six days of blistering sun light before it disappeared for the rest of the year. It'd always been her favorite season, not having to worry about the dresses she wore, more often than not, more vibrant and a compliment to her skin tone. And of course, with the heat brought functions, and that meant more games for her to play.

Melissa Lin loved games. The games of politics being a particular one she'd never grown bored with. Even if her parents had shoved it down her throat for her entire life before, she'd thought better to leave them in the dust. Thinking about it, that life seemed to be something so far in the past that cobwebs had formed on her mind. When her phone had buzzed, stopping her in her path, Benjamin's name lit up the screen.

Interesting. 

''Good evening Benjamin, what has you calling me?'' She stated. The edge of her business voice was still in full force, and she felt like could hear the cringe in his voice for making that call the second she'd answered.

''I was wondering if you wanted to come over and talk about those plans we discussed this morning? If you're calling it a night though, there is no need to worry,'' He responded, which instantly had Melissa checking her watch.

''I'll swing by before I head home.''

She didn't bother to give him time to answer. Silently ending the call and slipping into the car that was waiting for her outside, she offered a tight lipped nod to her driver, Fred, who knew better than to speak unless spoken to. He'd learnt the hard way, Melissa practically chewing him out one morning for interrupting her 'thinking'. 

He'd never done it again. 

Within an hour, the business discussions had sauntered to a halt, while Melissa sat with her back against the hard wall, seated on a chair, staring out into the expanse of the evening sky, the stars busy above glittering and dancing; it was a clear night. She was on the outskirts of London, sat on a balcony overlooking a small expanse of land that belonged to her protégé and friend.

The last word seemed like an oddity. 

Melissa had friends, a few names coming to mind, but a few within her work life itself. She kept most of those bonds strained and at least an arm's length away. It was easier to see who might come to stab her in the back. That way she was always ready to stab them right back, or get their first; which ever was deemed the best or most viable option. But her thoughts were cut off. 

''Can I ask you a question, Melissa?'' Benjamin countered mid conversation, cutting her a glance from where he sat beside her. He quickly returned his gaze to the night sky. There was something that was different about Melissa when she sat with him, compared to how the people in her life saw her; she was more gentle? If that was even a possibility for a woman whose heart was made of ice. Everything she did had a purpose, an accomplishment awaiting at the end of any trials she may have to endure. But Benjamin? There was something she'd always connected with from the first moment she'd set eyes upon him.

She'd known he was different. Like her. 

''Go ahead...'' She said with a raised brow, her eyes narrowed, but still not looking at him. But he seemed lost for words, fumbling. It was something she'd never seen of Benjamin before, a boy--- man, she corrected, who was as hard faced and sly as she. Looking him over with concern, she wondered if something was wrong, or if there was still a fear speaking in her presence. She understood it, because many people gave her that look.

Like she was a monster waiting for dinner. 

''You know, Benjamin---'' Melissa began, but stopped, a small smile gracing her lips. ''Life is fragile, and there are moments where we're meant to stand and observe, but sometimes we're meant to seize the moment. Stand up and take what is yours, what you rightfully deserve --- so ask me now, or don't bother asking at all'' With that it died on her lips, humming with a chuckle. 

''Why did you pick me?'' Benjamin countered with furrowed brows, as if mulling over her words and the leap he'd just taken. It was a question that had been on his mind for sometime. He was aware of his talents. The boy was no fool. But his brothers, whom were older, had been far more experienced and wiser. Yet, one of the most feared within the organization. The fucking second had decided he was worthy enough of being her protege. He needed to know, the question burning its way to the surface almost every time he was in her presence. 

As soon as he'd asked it, there was a regret. He was still learning the balance of their relationship, their working bond. He feared stepping over the line, even if the man was practically fearless in almost every other pursuit. 

''You reminded me of someone I used to know'' She said simply. He wasn't sure if he should continue the topic, but seized the moment to learn what he could. 

''Who?'' He asked with intrigue.

''Partly me, partly my ex-husband, Johnathan.'' The last name caused a grimace to appear on her face, which he clocked. He'd heard about the pair's tenuous relationship, often excusing himself without a word when Melissa seemed to be frustrated over something to do with the pair. It wasn't his place, and he would not push. 

Melissa cast him a glance finally. He looked dumbfounded, taking in the information that she'd freely shared with him. Melissa cocked her head to the side, her lips slipping into that primal feline smile. She forgot his age sometimes, how easy it was to get under his skin and something she made a note of getting him out of as soon as possible. She needed him shaped and ready should she ever decide it was time.

Time for that adventure. She could imagine him with her. Should it ever arrive? Should she ever decide she was ready? 

''I don't mean to be rude---'' He began, but Melissa quickly cut him off.

''Usually when people start with that sentence, it means they're going to be rude.'' She arched a brow, but the smile still danced upon her crimson painted lips. 

Benjamin laughed, shaking his head. 

''I was going to ask how? Why?'' He seemed confused by her answer. 

Melissa thought about it for a moment, lining each phrase before she began. She wanted him to understand his potential, and by doing so, he may open himself up to further growth, which was exactly why she'd taken him on. So she hummed under her breath, taking a slow sip of the champagne she'd brought for them to share. 

''You can be cold like me, and ruthlessly brutal, like Johnathan. You're also extremely well adverse in social manners, etiquette, politics and can flirt your way in and out of everything. I've seen you do it with such ease, I thought it almost worrying.'' Melissa Lin laughed so lightly, it would have been missed if Benjamin hadn't been looking directly at her. ''But you're chaotic, you thrive to get the job done and sometimes you make decisions that benefit what you need from the situation, and not the overall mission --- to me, that's the Johnathan in you. That brutality hasn't failed you yet, you've honed it...but there is still work to be done'' Melissa pursed her lips as worry flickered in his baby blue eyes. ''It's not a bad thing entirely. People often refer to me as emotionless, detached, the list goes on. I am all of those things, and I accept that. I live with that. Because those choices and actions I've made have kept me alive. And I have no intention of ever falling below that line.''

Or staying here. Although she didn't voice that opinion aloud.

''And the thing is Benjamin, you have to be all of those things without reprieve. Most of the time you will not be rewarded, a lot of the things you will do will be under the radar and only you and I will know of the cost and sacrifices you will have to make. But I will make sure your life is purposeful, filled with the potential to go where others can only dream.'' She felt like she was selling a dream to him, but she knew he'd make it. Like she had, so she raise her glass to him, which he mirrored instantly. 

''I'm thankful that it was me,'' Benjamin added with that sly smile, the one he reserved for work, wooing their clients into submission, and Melissa returned it right back.

''Don't worry, kid, I'm going to make you very rich. You can thank me then.''

[blackswaneuroparedux]

Anonymous asked: I really enjoyed your book review of Sebastian Junger’s Homecoming. Perhaps enjoyment isn’t the right word because it brought home some hard truths. Your book review really helped me understand my older brother better when I think back on how he came home from the war in Afghanistan after serving with the Paras and had medals pinned up the yin yang. It was hard on everyone in the family, especially for him and his wife and young kids. He has found it hard going. Thanks for sharing your own thoughts as a combat veteran from that  war. Even if you’re a toff you don’t come across as a typical Oxbridge poncey Rupert! As you’re a classicist and historian how did ancient soldiers deal with PTSD? Did the Greeks and Roman soldiers even suffer from it like our fighting boys and girls do? Is PTSD just a modern thing?

Part 1 of 2 (see following post)

Because this is subject very close to my heart as a combat veteran I thought very long and hard about the issues you raised. I decided to answer this question in two posts.

This is Part 1 and Part 2 is the next post.

My apologies for the length but this is subject that deserves full careful consideration.

Thank you for your lovely words and I especially find its heart warming if they touched you. I appreciate you for sharing something of the experience your ex-Para brother went through in coming home from war. I have every respect for the Parachute regiment as one of the world’s premier fighting force.

Working alongside them on missions out in Afghanistan I could see their reputation as the ‘brain shit’ of the British Army was well deserved. They’re most uncouth, sweary, and smelliest group of yobbos I’ve ever had the awful misfortune to meet. I’m kidding. The mutual respect and the ribbing went hand in hand. I doff my smurf hat to the cherry berries as ‘propah soldiers’ as they liked to say especially when they cast a glance over at the other elite regiments like HCav and the guards regiments.

Don’t worry I’ve been called a lot worse! But I am grateful you don’t lump me with the other ‘poncey’ officers. Not sure what a female Rupert is called. The fact that I was never accused of being one by any of those I served with is perhaps something I take some measure of pride. There are not as many real toff officers these days compared to the past but there are a fair few Ruperts who are clueless in leading men under their charge. I knew one or two and frankly I’m embarrassed for them and the men under their charge.

I don’t know when the term PTSD was first used in any official way. My older sister who is a doctor - specialising in neurology and all round brain box and is currently working on the front lines in the NHS wards fighting Covid alongside all our amazing NHS nurses and doctors -  took time out one evening to have a discussion with me about these issues. I also talked to one or two other friends in the psychiatric field too. In consensus they agree it was around 1980 when the term PTSD came into usage. Specifically it was the third edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-lll) published by the American Psychiatric Association in 1980 partly because as a result of the ongoing treatment of veterans from the Vietnam War. In the modern mind, PTSD is more associated with the legacy of the Vietnam War disaster.

The importance of whether PTSD affected the ancient Greeks and Romans lies in the larger historical question of to what extent we can apply modern experience to unlock or interpret the past. In the period since PTSD was officially recognised, scholars and psychologists have noted its symptoms in descriptions of the veterans of past conflicts. It has become increasingly common in books and novels as well as articles to assume the direct relevance of present-day psychology to the reactions of those who experienced violent events in the historical past. In popular culture, especially television and film dramas, claims for the historical pedigree of PTSD are now often provided as background to the modern story, without attribution. Indeed we just take it as a given that soldier-warriors in the past suffered the same and in the same way as their modern day counterparts. We are used to the West to map the classical world upon the present but whether we can so easily map the modern world back upon the Greeks and Romans is a doubtful proposition when it comes to discussing PTSD.

Simply put, there is no definitive evidence for the existence of PTSD in the ancient world existed, and relies instead upon the assumption that either the Greeks or Romans, because they were exposed to combat so often, must have suffered psychological trauma.

There are two schools of thought regarding the possibility of PTSD featuring in the Greco-Roman world (and indeed the wider ancient world stretching back into pre-history, myth and legend) – universalism and relativism. Put simply, the universalists argue that we all carry the same ‘wetware’ in our heads, since the human brain probably hasn’t developed in evolutionary terms in the eye blink that is the two thousand years or so since the Greco-Roman Classical era. If we’re subject to PTSD now, they posit, then the Greeks and the Romans must have been equally vulnerable. The relativists, on the other hand, argue that the circumstances under which the individual has received their life conditioning – the experiences which programme the highly individual software running that identical ‘wetware’, if you will – is of critical importance to an individual’s capacity to absorb the undoubted horrors of any battlefield, ancient or modern.

Whichever school one falls down on the side of is that what seems to happen in any serious discussion of the issue of PTSD in the ancient world is to either infer it indirectly from culture (primarily, literature and poetry) or infer it from a comparative historical understanding of ancient warfare. Because the direct evidence is so scant we can only ever infer or deduce but can never be certain. So we can read into it whenever we wish.

In Greek antiquity we have of course The Illiad and the Odyssey as one of the most cited examples when we look at the character traits of both Achilles and Odysseus. From Greek tragedy those who think PTSD can be inferred often point to Sophocles’s Ajax and Euripide’s Heracles. Or they look to Aeschylus and The Oresteia. I personally think this is an over stretch. Greek writers do; the return from war was a revisited theme in tragedy and is the subject of the Odyssey and the Cyclic Nostoi.

The Greeks didn’t leave us much to ponder further. But, with rare exceptions, the works from Graeco-Roman antiquity do not discuss the mental state of those who had fought. There is silence about the interior world of the fighting man at war’s end. So we are led to ponder the question why the silence?

This silence also echoes into the Roman period of literature and history too. Indeed when we turn to the Roman world, descriptions of veterans are rare in the writings that survive from the Roman world and occur most often in fiction.

In the first poem of Ovid’s Heroides, the poet writes about a returned soldier tracing a map upon a table (Ov. Her. 1.31–5):

...upon the tabletop that has been set someone shows the fierce battles, and paints all Troy with a slender line of pure wine:
‘Here the Simois flowed; this is the Sigeian territory,
here stood the lofty palace of old Priam, there the tent of Achilles...’

This scene provides an intimate glimpse of what it must have been like when a veteran returned home and told stories of his campaigns: the memories of battle brought to the meal, the crimson trail of the wine offering a rough outline of the places and battlefields he had experienced. The military characters in poems and plays show a world in which soldiers are ubiquitous, if somewhat annoying to the civilians. Plautus, for instance, in his Miles Gloriosus, portrays an officer boasting about his made-up conquests – the model for the braggart in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum – and Juvenal complains about a centurion who stomps on his sandalled foot in the bustling Roman street.

Despite this silence, compelling works have been written that interweave vivid modern accounts of combat and its aftermath with quotes from ancient prose and poetry. At their best, these comparisons can illuminate both worlds, but at other times the concerns of the present-day author are imposed on the ancient material. But the question remains are such approaches truthful and valid in understanding PTSD in the ancient world?

So if arts and literature don’t really tell us much what about comparative examples drawn from military history itself?

Here again we are in left disappointed.

According to the Greek historian, Herodotus, in 480 B.C., at the Battle of Thermopylae, where King Leonidas and 300 Spartans took on Xerxes I and 100,000-150,000 Persian troops, two of the Spartan soldiers, Aristodemos and another named Eurytos, reported that they were suffering from an “acute inflammation of the eyes,”...Labeled tresantes, meaning “trembler,”. It is that Aristodemos later hung himself in shame. Another Spartan commander was forced to dismiss several of his troops in the Battle of Thermopylae Pass in 480 B.C, “They had no heart for the fight and were unwilling to take their share of the danger.”

Herodotus again in writing about the battle of Marathon in 490 B.C., cites an Athenian warrior who went permanently blind when the soldier standing next to him was killed, although the blinded soldier “was wounded in no part of his body.” Interestingly enough, blindness, deafness, and paralysis, among other conditions, are common forms of “conversion reactions” experienced and well-documented among soldiers today

Outside the fictional world, Roman military history tell us very little.

Appian of Alexandria (c. 95? – c. AD 165) described a legion veteran called Cestius Macedonicus who, when his town was under threat of capture by (the Emperor-to-be) Octavian, set fire to his house and burned himself within it.  Plutarch’s Life of Marius speaks of Caius Marius’ behaviour who, when he found himself under severe stress towards the end of his life, suffering from night terrors, harassing dreams, excessive drinking and flashbacks to previous battles. These examples are just a few instances which seem to demonstrate that PTSD, or culturally similar phenomena, may be as old as warfare itself. But it’s worth stressing it is not definitive, just conjecture.

Of course of accounts of wars and battles were copiously written but not the hard bloody experience of the soldier. Indeed the Roman military man is described almost exclusively as a commander or in battle. Men such as Caesar who experienced war and wrote about it do not to tell us about homecoming.

It seems one of main challenges when we try to see military history through the lens of our definition of PTSD is to first understand the comparative nature of military history and what it is we are comparing ie mistaking apples for oranges.

The origin of military history was tied to the idea that if one understood ancient battle, one might fight and, more importantly, one might lead and strategise more effectively. In essence, much of the training of officers – even in the military handbooks of the Greeks and Romans – was an attempt to keep new commanders from making the same mistakes as the commanders of old. Military history is intended to be a pragmatic enterprise; in pursuit of this pragmatic goal, it has long been the norm to use comparative materials to understand the nature of ancient battle.

The 19th Century French military theorist Ardant du Picq argued for the continuity of human behaviour and assumed that the reactions of men under the threat of lethal force would be identical over the centuries: “Man does not enter battle to fight, but for victory. He does everything that he can to avoid the first and obtain the second....Now, man has a horror of death. In the bravest, a great sense of duty, which they alone are capable of understanding and living up to, is paramount. But the mass always cowers at sight of the phantom, death. Discipline is for the purpose of dominating that horror by a still greater horror, that of punishment or disgrace. But there always comes an instant when natural horror gets an upper hand over discipline, and the fighter flees”

These words offer insight to those of us who have never faced the terror of battle but at the same time assume the universality of how combat is experienced, despite changes in psychological expectations and weaponry, to name but two variables.

Another incentive for scholars and researchers is to turn to comparative material has been the growing awareness of the artificiality of how we describe war. A mere phrase such as ‘flank attack��� does not capture the bloody, grinding human struggle. Roman authors – especially those who had not fought – often wrote generic descriptions of battle. Literary battle can distort and simplify even as it tells, but if the main things are right – who won, who lost, and who the good guys are – the important ‘facts’ are covered. Even if one intends to speak the truth about battle, the assumptions and the normative language used to describe violence will affect the telling. We may note that the battle accounts in poetry become increasingly grisly during the course of the Roman Empire (perhaps owing to the growing popularity of gladiatorial games),while, in Caesar’s Gallic War, the Latin word cruor (blood) never appears and sanguis (another Latin word for blood) only appears in quoted appeals (Caes. B. Gall. 7.20, in the mouth of Vercingetorix, and 7.50, where the centurion M. Petronius urges his men to retreat). The realities of the battlefield are described in anodyne shorthand. In much the same way that the news rarely prints or televises graphic images, Caesar does not use gore, and perhaps for the same reason – to give a sense of reportorial objectivity.

Another element in the interpretive scrum is a given author’s goal in writing an account in the first place: Caesar, for example, was writing about himself, and he may have been producing something akin to a political campaign ad. Caesar makes Caesar look great and there is reason to believe that, if he was not precisely cooking the books, he did give them a little rinse to make him look more pristine. Given the many factors that complicate our ability to ‘unpack’ battle narratives, Philip Sabin has argued that the ambiguity and unreliability of the ancient sources must be supplemented by looking at the “form of the overall characteristics of Roman infantry in mortal combat”. Again the modern is used to illuminate that which is obscured by written accounts and the “the enduring psychological strains” are merely unconsciously assumed.

These legitimate uses of comparative materials have led to a sort of creep: because military historians have used observations of how men react to combat stress during battle to indicate continuity of behaviour through time, there appears to be a consequent expectation that men will also react identically after battle. This creep became a lusty stride with modern books written about the ancient world and PTSD.

After I finished my tour in Afghanistan I read many books recommended to me by family and friends as well as comrades. One of these books is well known in military circles - at least amongst the thinking officer class - as an iconic work of marrying the ancient world and the modern experience of war. I read it and I was touched deeply by this brilliant therapeutic book. It was only months later I began to re-think whether it was a true account of PTSD in the ancient world.

This insightful book is called Achilles in Vietnam by Jonathan Shay. Shay is psychiatrist in Boston, USA. He began reading The Iliad with Vietnam veterans whom he was treating. Achilles in Vietnam, is a deeply humane work and is very much concerned with promoting policies that he hoped would help diminish the frequency of post-traumatic stress. His goal was not to explain ancient poetry but to use it therapeutically by linking his patients’ pain to that of the Iliad’s great hero. His book offers a conduit between the reader and the experiences of the men that Shay counsels. In the introduction to this work he makes a nod to Homerists while also asserting the primacy of his own reading:

“I shall present the Iliad as the tragedy of Achilles. I will not glorify Vietnam combat veterans by linking them to a prestigious ‘classic’ nor attempt to justify study of the Iliad by making it sexy, exciting, modern or ‘relevant’. I respect the work of classical scholars and could not have done my work without them. Homer’s poem does not mean whatever I want it to mean. However, having honored the boundaries of meaning that scholars have pointed out, I can confidently tell you that my reading of the Iliad as an account of men in war is not a ‘meditation’ that is only tenuously rooted in the text. “

After outlining the major plot points around which he will organise his argument, he notes, “ ‘This is the story of Achilles in the Iliad, not some metaphorical translation of it”.

The trouble was and continues to be is that many in the historical and medical fields began to rush to unfounded conclusions that Shay, on the issue of PTSD in the ancient world, had demonstrated that the psychological realities of western warfare were universal and enduring. More books on similar comparative themes soon emerged and began to enshrine the truth that PTSD was indeed prevalent throughout the ancient world and one could draw comparative lessons from it.

Perhaps one of the most influential books after Shay was by Lawrence Tritle. Tritle, a veteran himself, wrote From Melos to My Lai. It’s a fascinating book to read and there are parts that certainly resonate with my own experiences and those of others I have known. In the book Tritle drew a direct parallel between the experiences of the ancient Greeks and those of modern veterans. For instance, Xenophon, in his military autobiography, presents a brief eulogy for one of his fallen commanders, Clearchus. Xenophon writes that Clearchus was ‘polemikos kai philopolemos eschatos’ (Xen. An. 2.6) – ‘warlike and a lover of war to the highest degree’.

Tritle comments:

“The question that arises is why men like Clearchus and his counterparts in Vietnam and the Western Front became so entranced with violence. The answer is to be found in the natural ‘high’ that violence induces in those exposed to it, and in the PTSD that follows this exposure. Such a modern interpretation in Clearchus’ case might seem forced, but there seems little reason to doubt that Xenophon in fact provides us with the first known historical case of PTSD in the western literary tradition.”

Arguably in the West and especially our current modern Western culture is predicated at baulking at the notion of being ‘war lovers” as immoral. But such an interpretation speaks more of our modern Christianised ambivalence towards war; to the Spartans and Athenians the term would not have had a negative connotation. ‘Philopolemos’ is, in fact, a compliment, and the list of Clearchus’ military exploits functions as a eulogy. There are points where his analysis does not adequately address the divergences between ancient and modern experiences.

For all the talk of our Western culture being rooted in Ancient Greece and Rome we are not shaped by the same ethics. Our modern ethics and our moral code is Christian. There is no such thing as a secular humanist or atheist both owe a debt to Christianity for the way they have come to be; in many respects it’s more accurate to describe such people as Christianised Humanists or Christian Atheists even if they reject the theological tenets of the religious faith because they use Christian morality as the foundation to construct their own. Many forget just how brutal these ancient societies were in every day life to the point there would be little one could find recognisable within our own modern lives.

Now we come to third point I wish to make in determining where the Greeks or Romans actually experienced PTSD. This is to do with the little understood nature of PTSD itself. As much as we know about PTSD there is still much more we don’t know. Indeed one of the most problematic and complicated issues is the continued disagreement around the diagnosis and specific triggers of the disorder which remain little understood. We have to admit there are competing theories about what causes PTSD but, in terms of experiences that make it manifest, there are essentially three possible triggers: witnessing horrific events and/or being in mortal danger and/or the act of killing – especially close kills where the reality of one’s responsibility cannot be doubted. The last of these was strongly argued in another scholarly book by D. Grossman, On Killing, the Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society (1995).

Roman soldiers had the potential to experience all of these things. The majority of Roman combat was close combat and permitted no doubt as to the killer. The comparatively short length of the gladius encouraged aggressive fighting. Caesar recounts how his men, facing a shield wall carried by the taller Gauls, leaped up on top of the shields, grabbed the upper edges with one hand, and stabbed downwards into the faces of their opponents (Caes. B. Gall. 1.52). As for mortal danger, Stefan Chrissanthos in his informative book, Warfare in the Ancient World: From the Rise of Uruk to the Fall of Rome, 3500BC-476AD, puts it this way: “For Roman soldiers, though the weapons were more primitive, the terrors and risks of combat were just as real. They had to face javelins, stones, spears, arrows, swords, cavalry charges, and maybe worst of all, the threat of being trampled by war elephants.”

Such terrors are regularly attested. During his campaign in North Africa, Caesar, noting his men’s fear, procured a number of elephants to familiarise his troops with how best to kill the beasts (Caes. B. Afr.72). It should also be noted that it was not unusual for the reserve line to be made up of veterans because they were better able to watch the combat without losing their nerve. Held in reserve, they had to watch stoically as their comrades were injured and killed, and contemplate the awful fact that they might suffer the same fate. This was not a role for the faint of heart.

However, while the Romans certainly had the raw ingredients for combat trauma, the danger for a Roman legionary was much more localised. Mortars could not be lobbed into the Green Zone, suicide bombers did not walk into the market, and garbage piled on the street did not hide powerful explosives. The danger for a Roman soldier was largely circumscribed by his moments on the field of battle, and even here, if he was with the victorious side, the casualties were likely to be light: at Gergovia, a disaster by Caesar’s standards, he lost nearly seven hundred men (Caes. B. Gall. 7.51). In his victory over Pompey the Great at Pharsalus, his casualties numbered only two hundred (Caes. B. Civ. 3.99).

So we are left with the disturbing question: were the stressors really the same?

This is the part where I also defer to my eldest sister as a doctor and surgeon specialising in neurology and just so much smarter than myself.

My eldest sister holds the view in talking to her own American medical peers that despite  similar experiences in Afghanistan and Iraq, British soldiers on average report better mental health than US soldiers.

My sister pointed out to research study done by Kings College London way back around 2015 or so that analysed 34 studies produced over a 15-year period (up to 2015) and found that overall there has been no increase in mental health issues among British personnel - with the exception of high rates of alcohol abuse among soldiers. The study was in part inspired the “significant mental health morbidity” among U.S. soldiers and reports that factors such as age and the quality of mental health programs contribute to the difference between the two nation’s servicemen and women.

She pointed out that these same studies showed that post-traumatic stress disorder afflicts roughly 2 to 5% of non-combat U.K. soldiers returning from deployment, while 7% of combat troops report PTSD. According to a General Health Questionnaire, an estimated 16 to 20% of U.K. soldiers have reported symptoms of common mental disorders, similar to the rates of the general U.K. population. In comparison, studies around the same time in 2014 showed U.S. soldiers experience PTSD at rates of 21 to 29%. The U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs estimated PTSD afflicted 11% of veterans returning from Afghanistan and 20% returning from Iraq. Major depression was reported by 14% of major soldiers according to another study commissioned by RAND corporation; roughly 7% of the general U.S. population reports similar symptoms.

It’s always tough comparing rates between countries and is not a reflection of the quality of the fighting soldier. But one finding that consistently and stubbornly refuses to go away is that over the past 20 years reported mental health problems tend to be higher among service personnel and veterans of the USA compared with the UK, Canada, Germany and Denmark.

However my sister strongly cautioned against making hasty judgements. And there could be many variable factors at play. One explanation is that American soldiers are more likely than their British counterparts to be from the reserve forces. Empirical studies showed reservists from both America and British troops were more likely to experience mental illness post-deployment. It was also worth pointing out that American soldiers also tended to be younger - being younger and inexperienced as well as untested on the battlefield, service personnel would naturally run the risk of greater and be more vulnerable to mental illness.

In contrast, the elite forces of the British army, such as your brother’s Parachute Regiment or the Royal Marines, were found to be the least affected by mental illness. It was found that in spite of elite forces experiencing some of the toughest fighting conditions, they tended to enjoy better mental health than non-elite troops. The more elite a unit is or more professional then you find that troops tend to enjoy a very deep bonds of camaraderie. As such the social cohesion of these fighting forces provides a psychological protective buffer. Not for all, but for many.

More intriguing are new avenues of discovery that might go a long way to actually understanding one of the root causes of PTSD. According to my sister, recent research carried out in the US and Europe and published in such prestigious medical journals as the New England Journal of Medicine (US) and the Lancet (UK), seems to establish a causal link between concussive injury and PTSD. 

One recent study looked at US soldiers that concerned itself with the effects of concussive injuries upon troops after their return from active duty during the war in Iraq.

Of the majority of soldiers who suffered no combat injuries of any sort, 9.1 per cent exhibited symptoms consistent with PTSD. This allows a baseline for susceptibility of roughly 10% of the population. A slightly higher number (16.2%)  of those who were injured in some way, but suffered no concussion, also experienced symptoms. As soon as concussive injuries were involved, however, the rates of PTSD climbed dramatically.

Although only 4.9% of the troops suffered concussions that resulted in complete loss of consciousness, 43.9% of these soldiers noted on their questionnaires that they were experiencing a range of PTSD symptoms. Of the 10.3% of the unit who suffered concussion resulting in confusion but retained consciousness, more than a quarter (27.3%) suffered symptoms. This suggests a high correlation between head trauma and the occurrence of subsequent psychological problems. The authors of the study note that ‘concern has been emerging about the possible long term effect of mild traumatic brain injury or concussion...as a result of deployment related head injuries, particularly those resulting from proximity to blast explosions’

Although these results are preliminary, if confirmed they have profound implications for anyone trying to understand the nature of warfare in the ancient world, especially the Western world. 

So why does it matter?

In Roman warfare, wounds were most often inflicted by edged weapons. Romans did of course experience head trauma, but the incidence of concussive injuries would have been limited both by the types of weapons they faced and by the use of helmets. Indeed the efficacy and importance of headgear for example can be deduced from the death of the Epirrote general Pyrrhus from a roof tile during the sack of Argos. It is likely that the Romans designed their helmets with an eye to blunting the force of the blows they most often encountered. Connolly has argued that helmet design in the Republican period suggests a crouching fighting stance (see P. Connolly, ‘The Roman Fighting Technique Deduced from Armour and Weaponry’, Roman Frontier Studies (1989). However my own view is that the change in helmet design may signal instead a shift in the role of troops from performing assaults on towns and fortifications when the empire was expanding (and the blows would more often rain from above) to the defence and guarding of the frontiers.

While the evidence is clear that concussion is not the only risk factor for PTSD, it is so strongly correlated that it suggests that the incidence of PTSD may have risen sharply with the arrival of modern warfare and the technology of gunpowder, shells, and plastic explosives. Indeed, accounts of shell shock from the First World War are common, and it was in the wake of that war that those observing veterans suspected that neurological damage was being caused by exploding shells.

For soldiers of the Second World War and down to our modern day, an artillery barrage is like an invention of hell.

As one American put it in his memoirs of fighting the Japanese at Peleiu and Okinawa, “I developed a passionate hatred for shells. To be killed by a bullet seemed so clean and surgical but shells would not only tear and rip the body, they tortured one’s mind almost beyond the brink of sanity. After each shell I was wrung out, limp and exhausted. During prolonged shelling, I often had to restrain myself and fight back a wild inexorable urge to scream, to sob, and to cry. As Peleliu dragged on, I feared that if I ever lost control of myself under shell fire my mind would be shattered. To be under heavy shell fire was to me by far the most terrifying of combat experiences. Each time it left me feeling more forlorn and helpless, more fatalistic, and with less confidence that I could escape the dreadful law of averages that inexorably reduced our numbers. Fear is many-faceted and has many subtle nuances, but the terror and desperation endured under heavy shelling are by far the most unbearable” (see E.B. Sledge, With the Old Breed at Peleiu and Okinanwa, 2007).

The psychological effect of shelling seems to result from the combined effect of awaiting injury while at the same time having no power to combat it.

There is another aspect that I alluded to above which is the psychological and societal conditioning of the Roman soldier. In other words a Roman male’s social and cultural expectations of his place in the world. Feelings of helplessness and fatalism were probably a less alien experience for most Romans – even those in the upper classes. In general, the Romans inhabited a world that was significantly more brutal and uncertain than our own.

This another way of saying that the Roman and 21st century combat are very different in a variety of ways that subject the modern soldier to a good deal more stress than the legionary was ever likely to suffer. And the Roman’s societal preparation – his life before the battle – was far more robust than that we enjoy today.

Take infant mortality. In the modern developed world, our infant mortality rates are about ten per thousand. In Rome, it is estimated that this number was three hundred per thousand. Three-tenths of infants would die within the first year, and an additional fifth would not make it to the age of ten - 50% of children would not survive childhood. Anecdotal evidence supports these statistics: Cornelia, the mother of the Gracchi, gave birth to twelve children between 163 bc and 152 bc; all twelve survived their father’s death in 152 bc, but only three survived to adulthood. Marcus Aurelius and his wife, Faustina, had at least twelve children but only the future emperor Commodus survived. 


Then look at how that child grows up. The typical Roman child would be raised in a society that readily accepted ultra-violent arena entertainment, mob justice, frequent and bloody warfare as a fact of life. This was reinforced by religious and societal encouragement to see war as natural and beneficial, open butchering of food animals, a total lack of support structures for the poor and less able.

Compared to the legionary our modern soldier has been protected from such realities to a greater degree than at any other point in history, and will thus be far less well prepared for the horror of a warfare that contains far more stress factors than for a man who might fight a handful of battles in his military career, with long periods of relative calm in between, state of war notwithstanding. Modern special and elite forces training often emphasises the brutalisation and ‘rebuilding’ of the recruit in readiness for this step into darkness, but it seems likely that no such conditioning would have been needed two thousand years ago.

I would argue that we experience war very differently from the way the Romans did. Our modern identity is defined far more by our Western Christian heritage than our Western Classical roots. They are in fact world apart when it comes to ethics and morality. Consider the fact that when we talk of war and killing today we often do so through conflict between our civilian moral codes – which offer the strict injunction not to do violence to other human beings – and wartime, when men are commanded to violate such prohibitions. It is a terrible thing to try to navigate ‘Thou shalt not kill’ and the necessity of taking a life in combat.

It is sometimes the case that the qualities that make the best soldier do not make the best civilian, a point amply attested in Greek poetry by heroes such as Heracles and Odysseus.

The Romans, for their part, celebrated heroes such as Cincinnatus, who could command effectively and then leave behind the power he wielded to return to his humble plough. It is important, however, when evaluating combat and its effects in the ancient world, that we do not read our ambivalence about violence onto the Romans. They inhabited an empire whose prosperity was quite openly tied to conquest.

As M. Zimmerman writes in his academic article, “Violence in Late Antiquity Reconsidered’ (2007), “The pain of the other, seen on the distorted faces of public and private monuments, or heard in the screams of criminals in the amphitheatre, reassured Romans of their own place in the world. Violence was a pervasive presence in the public space; indeed, it was an important basis for its existence, pertaining as it did not only to victories over external enemies but also to the internal order of the state.”

Violence then was both the means and the expression of Roman power. The Roman soldier was its instrument. The Roman warrior then would have brought a different perspective to lethal violence, and would have had a far more restricted moral circle to his modern counterpart – his friends and family, clan, patron and clients, as opposed to millions of fellow citizens via the internet and social media.

Part II follows next post